It’s a fact that when you don’t feel good about something, you don’t perform as well. If you don’t want to try, you won’t. Confidence is the key to a lot of things you’re going to do in life. It’s key in your relationships, (both romantic and plutonic,) in job interviews, and in performing well at work as well as your hobbies.
Confidence does not come naturally for a lot of people. Unfortunately it has a lot to do with your environment growing up. Factors such as parental influences, peers you spent time with, and mentors you had will all play into how you are today. However with this nifty thing called social media, it seems even the best upbringings can be destroyed quickly just through a couple of scrolls through your newsfeed or the reading of a comment.
There are healthy and unhealthy ways to get your confidence back – or find it for the first time. The unhealthy ways are easier and you might be familiar with the technique. It’s not building true confidence to tear others down. That builds a facade of confidence on an unstable base. When people do that, do you think they really believe in themselves or do they just believe in making feel people worse than they do?
We want to build lasting and real confidence. The kind that makes those around them feel good. So it’s best to start from scratch. To go into your confidence building with an open mind and willing to try. The first step is always going to be giving yourself the green light.
Learn to Manage Your Emotions To Build Confidence:
So the biggest thing to remember before you go into confidence building mode is that: YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.
You are not alone in starting something new. You are no alone in feeling overwhelmed. You are not alone in feeling self conscious. Your feelings are valid and they are shared with other people. Being confident isn’t necessarily about overcoming those feelings. That is a huge misconception that leads to a lot of the self doubt that haunts us. It more so about being okay with those feelings and working them into your advantage.
Your inner monologue would be kind of like this: “Hey, I’m feeling nervous about tomorrow. Of course I’d be nervous. I’m starting something brand new. Nervous is totally normal. Nerves can be kind of exciting too. The first day of anything is a chance to start fresh. Moving forward is a chance to let go of things that previously weighed me down. I’m nervous for tomorrow but maybe I’m kind of excited too.”
See how you can be both nervous but confident to move forward? Confident that once you take the step, there is something good for you on the other side. It might not always be nerves holding you back. Sadness and feeling unworthy and are common feelings that hold people back from being confident. But it’s not always about completely expelling those emotions from your radar. It’s finding a healthy way to process them and bring balance back to your life. Feeling sad is *generally* normal. Maybe starting the new job makes you sad because you miss your old coworkers. Those feelings are valid. It’s learning to balance that with the possibility of new friendship. Sometimes what you need to build confidence is just time. Time to manage the emotions that hold you back.
Find Passion & Purpose To Drive Confidence:
The easiest place to find confidence is in happiness. You are happiest when you are pursuing something that sets your soul on fire. Obviously not everything is going to be your passion but you can learn to find that energy and bring it into all aspects of your life.
Normally you feel passionate about something because it gives you purpose. Now here is the great thing that ties it all together. There is purpose in most everything you do. It’s not always right in front of your face but you serve a purpose. That should make you feel pretty good.
At work, your purpose is pretty clear. But go beyond your purpose in the company. You probably have a personal purpose there too. For example, my job. I struggle with confidence all the time. Rude comments online, literally being rated every week for my performance and those ratings determining everything for my job- it’s a confidence shaker for sure. I have to build myself up a lot and I use purpose to it! Sure my purpose within the company is to fill a timeslot and generate content. That kind of purpose isn’t exactly fulfilling. The purpose to drive confidence here is one I had to dig a little deeper for. My personal purpose is to bring smiles to people on their way to work, the grocery store, to someone who might be sad that day. I strive to make people feel good about their day during my show. To entertain them for a brief second and give them something that they might think about later that day. THAT is my purpose to drive confidence. To know that I could have turned even ONE stranger’s day around is a great feeling.
Try doing that for an area you struggle to have natural confidence in. It’s not always your job and it might feel silly to try and do this but it is one of those things that the more you practice it, the easier it gets. The more purpose you find in what you do, the more likely it is that you will perform better. Yep sometimes confidence comes from switching it around. While confidence makes you perform better, sometimes you have to find ways to perform better to build confidence.
Use A Positive Outlook To Bring Confidence To All Parts Of Life:
Have you ever noticed how those glass half-full people seem to have high self esteem to go with it? If it seems like they have found some sort of secret… it’s because they have. Positive thinking breeds the kind of environments where confidence is created and nourished.
Changing your outlook on life can be harder than the physical labor attached to success. This is why a lot of people skip it and try to move on without it. I think we all know what that turns into. Bitter people who are stuck. People who tear down others to get ahead. Those people don’t stay ahead for long. It always comes back to bite them. In fact it seems to be what is getting most people and companies in trouble the most these days- so don’t use these people as role models.
To start altering your mindset into a positive one, start by reframing the questions you ask yourself. Move from “Do they think I’m bad at this?” “Why am I NOT successful?”- which focus on negative words- and make your way into setting up your questions to say, “What are my strengths here and how can I use them to advance?” “How can I achieve my goal using my passions?”
Telling yourself you can handle whatever the obstacle may be is the heart of confidence.
Of course there are more than mental exercises you can do to build a positive outlook. Living a positive life means treating yourself well and physical health is often a reflection of your mental health. If you’re struggling to get your mental health where you want it to be, try kick starting it with your physical health!
People say this for a reason: Exercise helps. You don’t have to go on a run. Take a 30 minute walk in the morning and enjoy nature. Do yoga. Maybe it’s just starting your morning with 15 minutes of stretching that lets you clear your mind. Try a couple different things and find what works for you because something will work for you. All you have to do is get started.
It’s also a fact that food nourishes your brain. Eat that brain food. Avocados. Nuts. Berries. Apples… even dark chocolate. Feed your brain things that make it happy and the rest becomes a lot easier.
7 Direct Strategies to Learn Confidence
1. Body Confident Language
There is a quite a bit of research that backs up the idea of projecting confidence into your actions will make you feel better about what you’re doing. Things like walking tall, keeping your head up and shoulders back all help in this. This also includes dressing for success. Dress however your job views as successful. If you work retail- wear the brand. Office setting? Look put together. It takes more time but does set the tone of your intention from the moment you walk in the room. Some jobs of course require uniforms but there is still room for this here. Are you wearing a nice belt? Is your shirt tucked in? Hair brushed and appear clean? Shaved or trimmed up beard? No matter your job, there is a way to “dress for success.” Project confidence in how you hold yourself and you’ll notice a different vibe around you.
2. Embrace Imperfection as an Opportunity to Grow
Life isn’t perfect. But if everything was perfect there wouldn’t be room for growth. Embrace these occasions. Those moments of self doubt are chances to learn. Chances to grow. Chances to try something new. They aren’t challenges, but opportunities. Who doesn’t love a new opportunity? A little turn in phrasing is all you need to build confidence sometimes. Instead of a setback, it’s an opportunity to reevaluate your progress thus far and identify ways to improve.
3. Practice Meditation
Meditation is a private time set aside to clear your mind. Clearing your mind of gunk allows yourself room to let in positive thoughts. Most people say medication is a time to NOT think but are some practices that are based around simply filling your mind with positive affirmations. Find a type of meditation that works for you.
4. Take on the Things You Didn’t See Coming
Sh*t happens. You can’t control everything. A lot of people suffer from low confidence because they struggle to find control of everything around them The thing is, you don’t need to control everything. Most things will happen whether you try to control them or not. You cannot possibly see everything that is coming your way. It’s okay. Accept your circumstance as-is and not as “what if?” Accept yourself. Accept your feelings about the situation and accept that there is a way to manage through it. Embrace the new path you’ve been set on.
5. Find Confidence in the Work
We used work as a lot of examples so this should be easy to think about. And it makes sense that work is a main source of not feeling confident. It’s where you spend most of your day and where you are mostly likely to experience conflict. Using strategies previously mentioned will aid you here. Being confident at work will change your career path for the better. You might not be in sales but succeeding at work is all about selling yourself. To sell yourself- you have to feel good about the product. (That’s you!)
6. Lift Up Others
Respect others and show compassion. Confidence often comes off as a hard trait. But confidence is mostly about balance. That means you have to practice soft traits too. It might seem a little selfish but making other people feel good makes you feel good too. Don’t be threatened by someone else’s success, congratulate them. Support them. Don’t you want them clapping along beside you when you succeed? If you truly accept and love yourself, you’re able to to reflect that back to others. You’ll gain confidence off of these types of interactions. Practice deep listening, empathy, cheering on friends, embrace differences, and learn to let anger go instead of harboring it.
7. Respect Your Goals & Live By Choices That Reflect Them
You’ve set these goals but they are only going to get met with consistency, not by striving for them occasionally. Respect the goals you’ve made. Clearly it’s something you want. Make the time for it. Want it bad enough that you get up earlier or stay up later. Do things in your life that reflect the goals you’ve made. If it’s a weight loss goal, grocery shop like you made that goal. If it’s a work goal, do things during the day that prepare you for the role you want to take one. You know what it is you need to do. Live your life like you’re going to succeed at it and you’ll be that much closer to having it.